Opus... An Investigative Report

    Opus is a member of a little known sect of penguins called 
Sphenicutieformes or more commonly known as Penguin neo-sapien cute {English
Translation Cute Kinda-wise Penguin}

  	For ease of conversation this breed will be referred to as Opusians in 
the remainder of this document.

  	Opusians are shy reserved penguins who sit in corners and try to imitate
wallpaper.  Their Behavior changes drastically when they are given Root Beer
and then it seems as if they are trying to imitate lamps ... since they can be
found dancing around parties with lampshades on their heads.

	Opusians originally evolved in Antartica, where they remained until the
great Penguin/Polar Bear wars of the 1960s.  While pushing the Evil Bears 
back to their Arctic homeland, the penguins discovered the new world.  They 
found that this NEW WORLD was full of quaint native Lifeforms (The Bleached
Blonde, The Zany Redhead, and the ever popular Brunette babette).  When they 
discovered that there were actually other things to eat besides Fish..they said
Stove Top stuffin instead of Fish? I'm staying!

	Opusians Mate for life ... or at least they try to ... oh well anyone 
familiar with the phrase unlucky in love ... lucky in cards know better than to
play cards with an Opusian.

	A male penguin will offer an attractive female a bright shiny pebble.
Now believe it or not ... this is not because he is too cheap to buy flowers!
(At least that is the male penguin's story and he is sticking to it!)
If the woman likes the male she will accept it and off they will go to play 
snugglebunnies.  If she doesn't like it she will toss it away ... usually 
bouncing it off his head in the process. A rejected suitor can therefore be 
easily identified by the bandages wrapped around his head.

	While Opusians try to be politically correct they tend to choke up 
around females and say things such as, "umm if I said you had a beautiful body
would you hold it against me?"  Opusians tend to live alone..nuff said!

	A common greeting from a Opusians would be Ello Duckies!  The reasoning 
behind this is the Penguin is reasonably sure you aren't a penguin (They have
been confused about this ever since they saw Danny DeVito in Batman II) They 
don't want to insult you by calling you a Human (They have learned that Humans
get upset at the strangest things ) so to be safe they upgrade you to Duckies.

	This reasoning may sound strange to you, but to a penguin, it is perfectly 
reasonable. This should give you some insight into how their minds work.  Scary 
isn't it?